Today Joy headed down to the lab for another set of blood tests. Since it has been more than 140 days since the operation, i am really eagerly waiting the results. This ritual of getting tests, and then waiting for the results has become a part of our lives, and though its somewhat routine now, it never get any less tense for me.
We have had our nieces Hannah and Ruby at the house for the better part of 3 weeks now. they are 7 & 5. It has taken me longer then i thought to really open up to them fully, and start connecting with them. It has been a really wild ride so far for me. One of the things that has been ringing in my head is, how would i raise our kids, what i am doing right, and wrong, right this moment with them. My head is so loud with all these thoughts, and all the time they are just amazing little beings. This last few days have been awesome, i feel like i am learning so much from them, and i am very thankful.
They ask me to read them stories at night, at first i resisted this, as i didn’t know how to do it right. Now, i love it when they ask. They cuddle up with us when we watch movies, and it just busts my hear open, even when i don’t want it. It is such a learning experience right now, how to set rules, and boundaries, and how to allow them space, and make safe space for them.
Today Ruby got a bloody nose during dinner. As soon as i noticed it, and i was closer to her than Joy, it was instinctual to pick her up and take care of her. There was so little thought, just feeling and being. There was no chatter of what to do, there was just connection and love. I think that right now i understand a little more about my parents, and other parents, and what they all do for their kids.