Rodrigo and Joy

Just got an email from Joy (she is traveling at the moment), her second period started this morning.
We had a long conversation this morning while i drove to work, she has been gone for some 10+ days now and i miss her. This morning i woke up missing her tons. Being away from each other is hard, and i don’t really like it and i know she is having a great time traveling.
Getting the news just now that her period started for the 2nd time, just makes me so happy. Even with all the thoughts that race through my head about “what if… its stops happening… what if…. …” i am still very happy.
I am filled with love for Joy. She is an amazing woman, manifesting in every aspect of her being.

I love you

I also wanted to say thanks to everyone that has continued to support us is so many ways. We are privileged to receive so much love and care.

Over the past months the ride on the path we are on has been tough. Going from yes it is going to work, to maybe it wont. Seeing test results that are not favorable, and then seeing them change. It is a ride like i never been on before. When Joy told me yesterday about the good news i can’t express how happy that had me be. Is as if an entire universe busted open right in front of me. I am thrilled. This really feels like turning a corner.

Today, Saturday April 26, 2008

I started my first natural period in over four years

As many of you have been following and supporting me on this crazy ride I wanted to share with you all the news

This means that the ovary is working and we can start trying to get pregnant for real!!!

The next set of blood test I will do will be this coming up Monday.  They are the tests where we expect the results to show my hormones balancing out in the right direction.  If all is well I should see a period cycle in mid February.  A lot of if’s.  again we just have to wait and see.  I wish they would just do an ultrasound to see if any of the folicles look like they are working.  I am tiered of waiting.
I spent a week in Montana with my friends “the Funks” we have known each other for ten years.  they are really good friends and good people.  They have five kids.  while i was there i remembered the moment i decided i wanted to have children of my own.  It was the moment that their third was born.  I was in the delivery room, I watched her come into the world, I panicked when she didn’t breath right away, I was overwhelmed when she started to cry, and when they handed her to her mother and she had that moment of instinct, she knew her mother, she knew what to do, it was the most beautiful thing i had ever seen .  I remember thinking “I want that” ” I want to do that someday, to be part of that someday”.  it was the most amazing thing I had ever seen or been a part of till that moment.  It was a perfect moment.  that was eight years ago.  I still remember everything it made me feel.  still makes me feel.  still has me have hope that i will have that someday

Close to a week since the operation and Joy is doing well. It has been a time to get rest, and stay close to home. The incision is healing well, and the pain is going down every day. It is now again a waiting period. Waiting and getting regular monthly blood work to see what the hormone levels are, so that we can figure out if it is all working as expected. As we settle down back at home, it all feels very right, and hope for success is in the air
It should be right around the 1 year mark of the first attempt/transplant that we should have some confirmation that it is all working as expected.

Dr. Silber took some photos of the operation last Monday, and was kind enough to pass them along to us. I have uploaded them and wanted to share them here.

PLEASE NOTE THESE ARE GRAPHIC IN NATURE. IF THE SIGHT OF BLOOD MAKES YOU ILL, DO NOT CLICK TO SEE

This one shows the ovary exposed and ready for the graft.

TThis one shows portion 1 of the graft in place and stitched up, on the right had side of the photos, the white part.

This one shows portion 1 and portion 2 of the graft stitched up and in place, the second portion is the one on the left hand side of the ovary, next to the white portion.

This is the work complete. All portions have been grafted.

We got home just a little bit ago.

Joy is exhausted from the long flights, and airports, and wheelchairs. It takes a lot to get her down, and these flights really take a lot out of her.  So its good to finally be home, and have some downtime, even though it is Halloween. 

I will be staying home with her the next few days, and make sure she gets lots of rest. :) 

Today Joy headed down to the lab for another set of blood tests. Since it has been more than 140 days since the operation, i am really eagerly waiting the results. This ritual of getting tests, and then waiting for the results has become a part of our lives, and though its somewhat routine now, it never get any less tense for me.

We have had our nieces Hannah and Ruby at the house for the better part of 3 weeks now. they are 7 & 5. It has taken me longer then i thought to really open up to them fully, and start connecting with them. It has been a really wild ride so far for me. One of the things that has been ringing in my head is, how would i raise our kids, what i am doing right, and wrong, right this moment with them. My head is so loud with all these thoughts, and all the time they are just amazing little beings. This last few days have been awesome, i feel like i am learning so much from them, and i am very thankful.

They ask me to read them stories at night, at first i resisted this, as i didn’t know how to do it right. Now, i love it when they ask. They cuddle up with us when we watch movies, and it just busts my hear open, even when i don’t want it. It is such a learning experience right now, how to set rules, and boundaries, and how to allow them space, and make safe space for them.
Today Ruby got a bloody nose during dinner. As soon as i noticed it, and i was closer to her than Joy, it was instinctual to pick her up and take care of her. There was so little thought, just feeling and being. There was no chatter of what to do, there was just connection and love. I think that right now i understand a little more about my parents, and other parents, and what they all do for their kids.

I just had to scan it and post it

I have passed the number of days when most all the other women have started their cycles back up.  I am still waiting for mine.  I know I should just be gentle with myself and let it happen when it will but there is a part of me that doesn’t want to be waiting anymore.  It is having me be a bit sad right now.  I know it will start probably very soon but I am just so ready for it now.

I wish I had more exciting news, I wish we were all celebrating the return of my period and the beginning of our new family. I am grateful to know that there are so many out there hoping and waiting and wishing along with me.  I am grateful that you are following my story and wanting it with me.

thank you for your support

Time time time.
Just like joy says, we have been waiting. I though that all the hardest part was going to be the operation and all the emotions that go along with seeing your love going through a painful procedure. That was hard, and the waiting has been harder in lots of respects.
The first 60-80 days where fine, as i was really excited and had this goal of 85 days to wait.
The 85 days came and went and then some small changes happened.
By the 100 days, i wasn’t sure if i was just imagining the changes and if they were really happening. The test results during this time have been good, all point in the right direction for her hormone levels, non-the less i was looking for something more in the flesh real as a sign that its all working.
My mind goes a little nuts, making up stories on why its going to work, and why its not. It sure makes me go crazy some days.
After our conversation with Dr. Silber early last week, he gave me a better frame of reference, and now i feel much more at ease.
The waiting is still going on and we wait.
Going to get back to blogging more now as well.